Title: Victoria's Idyll
Posted On: 2013-07-22 14:57:04 UTC
I can't help it I fell a little bit in love with you. They just wanted a little piece of you and I wanted all of you. They weren't trying to get to know you to exactly be with you for a long time, they just needed to know certain things so they wouldn't fuck up along the road of getting what they wanted. There's no rules to this shit, there's no manual, it's a free play game. The unknowing win by default, I fucking lose every time because I wanna win. Every time you told me something, I listened and you know what that meant....all this time I dearly cared about how you felt. I wanted to mold you into a woman. I wanted to take care of your heart. I tried to comfort you mentally. You would tell me everything you wanted in a guy and I slowly unknowingly became that guy. I know what you want and need, they don't care for figuring it out forever. I seen your attitude as something that could keep me in place at times when I would get out of line and that was the only flaw I seen. I don't wanna hear the stories about you with other guys because they're not about us. I listened to your stories and learned how to love you subconsciously, it wasn't on purpose, it just happened. I didn't want to like you but I did, you molded me into a guy that could be with you when I listened to your heart. I'm the fallen, only the fallen feel it. Like I said before, it's not jealousy but where's your heart at for me. Falling a little bit in love with you wasn't in my plans. We were friends but everything doesn't last like you want it to. Somebody is gonna want somebody and whoever is the one wanting may end up hurt. You didn't necessarily hurt me and I won't put that on your conscious but, you are added to a list. A list inside my heart of girls who overlooked me, it's only 2 people. How you feel about someone is uncontrollable and I'm sure that's controlled by the unknown part of the brain. I mean, I've had sex and it was such a empty feeling in my heart. I've thought of you and I felt it in my heart that I feel a certain way about you. Only thing about this is that it'll only last so long. It goes not away, but into a box of "never happening". You can try and be my friend but I doubt I keep being yours, look where it got me. In a hole with all your conversations from your heart and soul. I know recently I expressed how I liked you but shit changes. I realized you didn't have any interest in me. I don't really feel like anything to you. Epiphanies will hurt and help you. I learned that when you take the time to know someone, you take the time to love them too. I was getting to know you overtime and I was unconsciously learning how to love you too. I hate the word best friend or even friend now because of what it means to me. It's useless to try and love someone you can't, so I really don't see a purpose in your life too much anymore. I'll never send this to you but if you do just so happen to run across it and you haven't heard from me in awhile, this is why.
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